Special Skills: driver's license, Office proficient, rhino wrangler?

In these trying economic times I sometimes ponder what will happen if I lose my job in theatre. Or my job in pretend, as my dad calls it. When I was in school all the professors were constantly telling us that we were learning skills that would easily translate into ANY real world job-even outside of theatre.

Now that I have been doing this for more than a decade. (Yup that's right mom-I have now been out and working for 10+ years. How old does that make you feel?) I wonder if that is really the truth.

I work hard, and under some pretty stressful conditions. There is no pushing back of deadlines (the show must go on) and no going over budget (as a non-profit we don't have extra money lying around), I clearly have some transferable skills. But how do I relate or translate what I do on a day to day basis into something that would get me a job in a bank, or IT department, or office somewhere?

I started thinking about how to put my resume together in my head the day that I helped lift a 14' peach to stand it upright. Does mover of enormous fruit go under responsibilities or related skills?

Shortly after that I was involved in several conversations regarding the feasibility of sharks kicking at a wooden facade of a deck. Do I take the time to explain sharks with legs?

Then there was the R&D meeting to determine the best way to make a large fake booty that jiggled when the wearer walked. Or where to put the man's (who is playing a woman)-uh-goods so they won't show through his dress for the school matinees. Where does that one go?

And today has been all about the Rhinoceros that tramples the parents (I know, it doesn't sound like much of a show for kids). The only place I can think to put my rhino wrangling is under special skills.

I figure if I wrote what I ACTUALLY do everyday in resume form, most employers would think that I escaped from the loony bin, and place my resume right into that circular file. Imagine if I ever made it to an interview.

Oh well, McDonald's is usually hiring. They don't ask too many questions at least. If I ever find myself combing the want ads for a giant fruit moving, junk hiding, rhino wrangler I will keep them as my backup.